No Dip Without a Rise #146

As a musician. I’ve gone from “can’t do this” to “need to be better.” If it was health, I’d advise, ‘you never get better in a straight line. No dip, no rise.’

I’m as good as I am

I left for the gig determined and fearful. I’ve spent six to ten hours a week playing my horn since I got the new baritone sax stand. I hadn’t played for eight weeks with my back pain and inability to carry the weight of the fifteen-pound horn on my shoulders and neck. The new stand holds the sax independently so I can play sitting or standing. Working with my long-time teacher, Jeff, I’ve made considerable progress on feeling the form of the tunes, keeping my place with decent phrasing for my solos. I’ve made it a point to solo on three tunes each session the band plays, a stretch for me. Our alto player couldn’t make the gig; I would be one of two horn players. I was determined to solo on six tunes to fill the gap, I felt the fear about my ability or lack thereof. I’d be as good as I am — sweaty hubris, to be sure.

Hiding, confidence, woodshedding

My usual practice at gigs and rehearsals is to hide behind the other horn players for the melodies and choruses, reflecting my lack of confidence. I play softly; I stop when they stop. I don’t always understand the form — the arrangement. It changes frequently with…